sleep is now completely f**ked, I didn't get to sleep till gone 3am despite the fact i was shattered all day from only having got to sleep the previous night at 5am and then only having a few hrs. got woken at 8, then again at about 9, forced myself back to sleep and slept till about 20 to 11, woke with zero energy and just lay there for about 30 mins before i could muster up the energy to move.
appetite has gone out the window once again, but I forced some toast down me, even though the very thought of the stuff was making me feel nauseous, and now I'm just building up the energy to go have a shower.
I think I'll crack open a lucozade and get some glucose into me. I suppose it really doesn't help that I don't have anything of a sweet tooth so it's quite hard to get some quick energy into me.
Zumba tonight, hopefully. Lyna said to get there for about 5:15 but with any luck with the traffic, we should get there for just gone 5, we are NOT travelling all that way (17 miles each way) just to get turned away! lol it's becoming a joke, I'm gonna have to leave the house at about 4:20 for a class that starts at 6 which is only 30 mins drive away! it's gonna get to the stage where I'm gonna spend more time queueing to get into the class than actually being in it! I do feel for Lyna, desperately trying so hard to find bigger venues... I would hate to be in her shoes having to turn people away.... but fingers crossed... once she's got the grand hall at the grange and (hopefully!) a bigger venue for Ayr - and once the media hype dies down a little - it should go back to being more managable again.
but I do love zumba, I wouldn't travel all that way if I didn't think it worth it.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
where I've come from and where I'm going
in terms of weight loss and getting fit again, that is!
now... I've really never been naturally skinny, it's all curvy women from both mum and dad's side of the family so I know that's not what I'm naturally meant to be.
when I was little, I was as a skinny as a ruler - I needed belt and braces to hold my trousers up!
in my teen years, mainly down to poor diet, little motivation when it came to sports and then later a sporting injury, I quickly piled the weight on.
I also have PCOS and now a borderline underactive thyroid which both make it really easy to put weight on and very very difficult to lose it.
About 8 months I had my son, due to breastfeeding and not having time to eat I dropped right down to little over 9 stone (I usually hover about the 12-13 stone region), now... while this in terms of my BMI is still within my "ideal" range, it just didn't suit me. to be honest, looking back at photos from then, I looked malnourished - this is probably one of the better pictures from that time, all the others are just too awful to share! I really had no muscle tone, so I was pretty much just skin and bones. I was a size 18 when I first dared to try and get back into normal clothes after being pregnant - some 4 months after he was born, and I lost the best part of 5 stone in 4 months - now even I can tell you, that's not healthy!
now... I've really never been naturally skinny, it's all curvy women from both mum and dad's side of the family so I know that's not what I'm naturally meant to be.
when I was little, I was as a skinny as a ruler - I needed belt and braces to hold my trousers up!
in my teen years, mainly down to poor diet, little motivation when it came to sports and then later a sporting injury, I quickly piled the weight on.
I also have PCOS and now a borderline underactive thyroid which both make it really easy to put weight on and very very difficult to lose it.
About 8 months I had my son, due to breastfeeding and not having time to eat I dropped right down to little over 9 stone (I usually hover about the 12-13 stone region), now... while this in terms of my BMI is still within my "ideal" range, it just didn't suit me. to be honest, looking back at photos from then, I looked malnourished - this is probably one of the better pictures from that time, all the others are just too awful to share! I really had no muscle tone, so I was pretty much just skin and bones. I was a size 18 when I first dared to try and get back into normal clothes after being pregnant - some 4 months after he was born, and I lost the best part of 5 stone in 4 months - now even I can tell you, that's not healthy!
So... I don't want to get back down to that low a weight ever again, though those jeans in this pic I LOVED and would love to fit back into them again, but realistically I know that probably wont happen.
yes the weight gradually crept back on, i stayed about a size 12/14 for a while when I was working as a nursery nurse but then when i started working at hansel I quickly put a lot more on (though truth be told, we all did!), it was when my size 16's started feeling tight I knew I needed to do something about it. When I went to get my student nurse uniform fitted I had to go up to a size 18 for the trousers (they tend to say you need to go up a size from your normal anyway), and they were tight, but there was no way I was going back out and asking for a size 20!
so here we are now: I've ditched my scales and I am judging my weight loss through my loss of inches and the way my clothes fit. I want to tone up rather than slim down, get a bit of definition to my arms, legs, abs... I don't care if I still stay around the 14-16 size region (though I'd rather be more in the 14's than the 16's) but I want to feel more comfortable within my skin, and to do that, I need to exhange some of the fat for muscle.
I haven't regretted starting Zumba classes for one minute, even when my legs have been screaming at me, I never in a million years thought I would ever become so enthusiastic about a keep fit class, but I now understand that adrenaline rush people get when they exercise - just I like to do it to latin beats and in a dance studio rather than down a gym.
zumba #...7?
I'm starting to lose track! lol
we knew it was gonna be busy again, Lauren had posted on FB after her monday class that by 6:35 Lyna was already having to turn people away, we got to Ayr dance studios at about 6:20 and we weren't the first in line by far! it's total madness!
though hopefully we're getting a new, bigger venue soon - fingers crossed!
once again, as usual, loved the class - we did the squats in this one and OMG my legs were killing me last night! they weren't sore - but just this dull constant ache, more akin to growing pains kinda discomfort. I stretched them out numerous times but it was still gone 5am before I got to sleep - it was one of those awful nights were my body was exhausted, but my mind was still very much awake.
We hung around after class and gave Lyna her birthday cards ( it's her birthday today - Happy Birthday, Lyna!) and just got chatting about everything and nothing. I showed her my top I'd customised and she liked it so much that she asked me to do one for her! I love doing creative stuff and I've always sorta regretted not being able to get into a line of work where I can really apply that side of me.
in 2006 I hand made Caelan a Captain Feathersword costume (that's from the Wiggles, if you didn't know!) and I am still hugely impressed with it - I made the waistcoat from a shawl from a charity shop, the hat and the sword from a pair of old joggers, the shirt from one of the elder boys old school shirts and some old net curtain - it took me the best part of 2 weeks just to sew the sequins on to the front and pockets of the waistcoat, let alone the ones all around the brim of the hat! and when i say I made it by hand, I quite literally mean by hand - I don't have a sewing machine!
We told Lyna how we're planning on going to the thursday class, as friday's class isn't on, and she told us to be there for about 5:15! blimey... so Mel's coming around to here, and then we're leaving for Kilmarnock no later than 4:30.... total madness it is!
anyway.... time is ticking on, I need to get more caffeine into me if I'm going to have any hope of getting any study done today, and I've got a thyroid blood test at 3:30 - oh the joys...
oh and yes I will post up a pic of the top I did, just it's in the wash at the mo.... got a tad sweaty at class last night!
we knew it was gonna be busy again, Lauren had posted on FB after her monday class that by 6:35 Lyna was already having to turn people away, we got to Ayr dance studios at about 6:20 and we weren't the first in line by far! it's total madness!
though hopefully we're getting a new, bigger venue soon - fingers crossed!
once again, as usual, loved the class - we did the squats in this one and OMG my legs were killing me last night! they weren't sore - but just this dull constant ache, more akin to growing pains kinda discomfort. I stretched them out numerous times but it was still gone 5am before I got to sleep - it was one of those awful nights were my body was exhausted, but my mind was still very much awake.
We hung around after class and gave Lyna her birthday cards ( it's her birthday today - Happy Birthday, Lyna!) and just got chatting about everything and nothing. I showed her my top I'd customised and she liked it so much that she asked me to do one for her! I love doing creative stuff and I've always sorta regretted not being able to get into a line of work where I can really apply that side of me.
in 2006 I hand made Caelan a Captain Feathersword costume (that's from the Wiggles, if you didn't know!) and I am still hugely impressed with it - I made the waistcoat from a shawl from a charity shop, the hat and the sword from a pair of old joggers, the shirt from one of the elder boys old school shirts and some old net curtain - it took me the best part of 2 weeks just to sew the sequins on to the front and pockets of the waistcoat, let alone the ones all around the brim of the hat! and when i say I made it by hand, I quite literally mean by hand - I don't have a sewing machine!
We told Lyna how we're planning on going to the thursday class, as friday's class isn't on, and she told us to be there for about 5:15! blimey... so Mel's coming around to here, and then we're leaving for Kilmarnock no later than 4:30.... total madness it is!
anyway.... time is ticking on, I need to get more caffeine into me if I'm going to have any hope of getting any study done today, and I've got a thyroid blood test at 3:30 - oh the joys...
oh and yes I will post up a pic of the top I did, just it's in the wash at the mo.... got a tad sweaty at class last night!
Monday, 3 May 2010
creative creations
I had a bit of a creative evening :o)
Lyna had showed us (me and Mel) last week how she modifies her own tops for class after Mel had enquired about them (Lyna: "you just cut it", Mel: "how do you do that?", Lyna: "..... with scissors" hehehe classic!) - I then later went on to find an instructional video on how to do it on the Zumba Scotland FB page.
Now I gave it a go first on a cotton vest top - it turned out ok but I quickly discovered it really needs to be an elastic blend of material otherwise the cut strips just doesn't roll right.
Ah-ha! lighbulb moment! I have a couple of nice coloured elasticy vest tops in my cupboard which I never wear coz they've got a stupid in built bra which couldn't even support a B cup....
so out it comes, out come the scissors and the inbuilt bra bit gets removed and away I go again.
very pleased with the results, i am now refusing to show Mel how it turned out until tomorrow as she was being mean to me and telling me i should be studying (can't a girl have a little fun?!)
Lyna had showed us (me and Mel) last week how she modifies her own tops for class after Mel had enquired about them (Lyna: "you just cut it", Mel: "how do you do that?", Lyna: "..... with scissors" hehehe classic!) - I then later went on to find an instructional video on how to do it on the Zumba Scotland FB page.
Now I gave it a go first on a cotton vest top - it turned out ok but I quickly discovered it really needs to be an elastic blend of material otherwise the cut strips just doesn't roll right.
Ah-ha! lighbulb moment! I have a couple of nice coloured elasticy vest tops in my cupboard which I never wear coz they've got a stupid in built bra which couldn't even support a B cup....
so out it comes, out come the scissors and the inbuilt bra bit gets removed and away I go again.
very pleased with the results, i am now refusing to show Mel how it turned out until tomorrow as she was being mean to me and telling me i should be studying (can't a girl have a little fun?!)
you can please some of the people all of the time...
but it seems Caelan can never be pleased!
so i prepared him last night that he would be getting money because the tooth fairy doesn't know what he wants so she'll leave him money so he can buy something himself.
I put 2 £1 coins in an envelope under his pillow thinking all would be fine come morning.
how wrong was I?
hissy fit, yet again.
turns out Paul usually gives him a £1 coin and loads of silvers and coppers, so Caelan has become accustomed to receiving lot of "pennies" from the tooth fairy, so he was pretty miffed off when he woke only to find 2, even though the value was equal.
the nursery nurse in me should have seen this coming.
and of course with it being bank holiday monday, no-where is open to take him to go and choose something to buy!
ho hum....
so i prepared him last night that he would be getting money because the tooth fairy doesn't know what he wants so she'll leave him money so he can buy something himself.
I put 2 £1 coins in an envelope under his pillow thinking all would be fine come morning.
how wrong was I?
hissy fit, yet again.
turns out Paul usually gives him a £1 coin and loads of silvers and coppers, so Caelan has become accustomed to receiving lot of "pennies" from the tooth fairy, so he was pretty miffed off when he woke only to find 2, even though the value was equal.
the nursery nurse in me should have seen this coming.
and of course with it being bank holiday monday, no-where is open to take him to go and choose something to buy!
ho hum....
Sunday, 2 May 2010
tooth #6!
If Caelan keeps losing teeth at the rate he is at the moment, the tooth fairy is going to have to take out a loan to keep up! that, and I'm gonna have to start mashing his food again as he's losing his front teeth quicker than his adult ones are coming thought!
he only lost #5 a couple of days ago, and the one lost today I didn't even think was a wobbly one so i was very surprised when he announced that that tooth had fallen out.
we actually thought he swallowed it (as we were having dinner) which quickly resulted in Caelan bursting into tears - but thank god, it turned out it had fallen onto the table. He actually swallowed his 3rd or 4th tooth (can't remember which), we were down at my parents, as luck would have it my mum still had my baby teeth so we were able to plant one, conveniently find it and announce it must have fallen out when he was playing.
oh the things you do when you're a parent!
so now that's both bottom incisors, both bottom lateral incisors, top right incisor and top left lateral incisor gone. The incisor left at the top has migrated from the left towards the middle - so now he looks quite comical with one big tooth in the middle of the front of his mouth! I hope that one falls out soon - it does look awful bang in the middle and sitting at a funny angle too.
he only lost #5 a couple of days ago, and the one lost today I didn't even think was a wobbly one so i was very surprised when he announced that that tooth had fallen out.
we actually thought he swallowed it (as we were having dinner) which quickly resulted in Caelan bursting into tears - but thank god, it turned out it had fallen onto the table. He actually swallowed his 3rd or 4th tooth (can't remember which), we were down at my parents, as luck would have it my mum still had my baby teeth so we were able to plant one, conveniently find it and announce it must have fallen out when he was playing.
oh the things you do when you're a parent!
so now that's both bottom incisors, both bottom lateral incisors, top right incisor and top left lateral incisor gone. The incisor left at the top has migrated from the left towards the middle - so now he looks quite comical with one big tooth in the middle of the front of his mouth! I hope that one falls out soon - it does look awful bang in the middle and sitting at a funny angle too.
Saturday, 1 May 2010
procrastination is my middle name!
you name it, I'll do it to get out of studying!
yup, I'm even writing this as a way of avoiding the books...
Exams are on the 10th and 12th of this month (eep!), Physiology I'm not too worried about, I got 88% on my last exam and we only need an aggregate of 40% between the 2 to pass the exam component - so in theory, I can actually skip the exam and still pass the module - not that I will, of course, but it does take a whole lotta weight off the shoulders when you know you passing the module doesn't rely on passing that one exam.
Psychology is a whole other kettle of fish all together, of course I've now pretty much got 2 of the topics revised due to covering them in the presentation and the essay, but that still leaves another 20 topics to revise - sounds a lot but most of them overlap a fair amount. but it's one of those subjects where there's no real obvious starting point, so I am really struggling to get started on it.
I also don't know how much of my pass mark is riding on this exam - our presentation was worth 20% of the total assessment, we got 68%, which is 13.6% of the 20%) but because I've still yet to get my essay back (which is worth 30% of the total assessment) I can't work out how well I need to do in this exam in order to pass... though I need a min of 40% to pass the exam component anyway....
I woke this morning at 6:50am, Caelan was throwing a hissy fit. he lost a tooth yesterday (his 5th!) and he'd obviously got it into his head that his tooth fairy leaves him computer games, not money - so when he woke to find money... he was NOT happy! I was never hugely happy about him being given one to start with as I knew this would happen - that he'd start expect a game every time he lost a tooth, but what do I know? not only am I a mum but I'm a nursery nurse, I know how kiddies minds work. now I know the going rate for the tooth fairy is quite a bit more than when I was a kid... but still - it's not quite at the level of how much a brand new game is worth!
so yeah, great start to the weekend.
got a letter through today from the doctors, I've got my next thyroid blood test this coming weds! how bloody typical is that? I bet I'll be jumping with energy- polar opposite to how I was last week, but I will fill in the HCA about the symptoms, and I hope that along with my bloods, even if they do just come back borderline again, will be enough for the doc to prescribe me something this time.
I got up feeling not too bad this morning, after nearly being snapped in 2 yesterday at Zumba, that was until I crouched down to pick something up and my inner thighs went "OMFG owowowowowowowow!" so I've been stretching them on and off throughout the day and they're gradually easing up. though the first time i stretched, both my hips and both my knees clicked! was NOT a good sound! lol I took a bath (I was never a bath person before I started Zumba, ya know!) and that helped loosen my muscles a bit.
the day has sped by, I'm now going to have to think about starting dinner...
yup, I'm even writing this as a way of avoiding the books...
Exams are on the 10th and 12th of this month (eep!), Physiology I'm not too worried about, I got 88% on my last exam and we only need an aggregate of 40% between the 2 to pass the exam component - so in theory, I can actually skip the exam and still pass the module - not that I will, of course, but it does take a whole lotta weight off the shoulders when you know you passing the module doesn't rely on passing that one exam.
Psychology is a whole other kettle of fish all together, of course I've now pretty much got 2 of the topics revised due to covering them in the presentation and the essay, but that still leaves another 20 topics to revise - sounds a lot but most of them overlap a fair amount. but it's one of those subjects where there's no real obvious starting point, so I am really struggling to get started on it.
I also don't know how much of my pass mark is riding on this exam - our presentation was worth 20% of the total assessment, we got 68%, which is 13.6% of the 20%) but because I've still yet to get my essay back (which is worth 30% of the total assessment) I can't work out how well I need to do in this exam in order to pass... though I need a min of 40% to pass the exam component anyway....
I woke this morning at 6:50am, Caelan was throwing a hissy fit. he lost a tooth yesterday (his 5th!) and he'd obviously got it into his head that his tooth fairy leaves him computer games, not money - so when he woke to find money... he was NOT happy! I was never hugely happy about him being given one to start with as I knew this would happen - that he'd start expect a game every time he lost a tooth, but what do I know? not only am I a mum but I'm a nursery nurse, I know how kiddies minds work. now I know the going rate for the tooth fairy is quite a bit more than when I was a kid... but still - it's not quite at the level of how much a brand new game is worth!
so yeah, great start to the weekend.
got a letter through today from the doctors, I've got my next thyroid blood test this coming weds! how bloody typical is that? I bet I'll be jumping with energy- polar opposite to how I was last week, but I will fill in the HCA about the symptoms, and I hope that along with my bloods, even if they do just come back borderline again, will be enough for the doc to prescribe me something this time.
I got up feeling not too bad this morning, after nearly being snapped in 2 yesterday at Zumba, that was until I crouched down to pick something up and my inner thighs went "OMFG owowowowowowowow!" so I've been stretching them on and off throughout the day and they're gradually easing up. though the first time i stretched, both my hips and both my knees clicked! was NOT a good sound! lol I took a bath (I was never a bath person before I started Zumba, ya know!) and that helped loosen my muscles a bit.
the day has sped by, I'm now going to have to think about starting dinner...
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