many apologies!

I have been so slack with this blog of late, I've just been so busy with placement and uni work that I really have hardly had a minute to myself.

placement is still going really good, I'm being given more and more responsibilities as the days pass, which is kinda scary!

had moving and handling training today, slings and hoists and other moving aids. it's kinda been annoying coz i know how to use slings and hoists from my work, but because I hadn't had NHS training, I couldn't use them while on placement, but now I can! yay!

it very quickly became obvious that we weren't gonna be getting out before 12:15, despite the lady running it saying about getting started earlier and finishing earlier, it got to 11:45 and we still hadn't had our practical session so I kinda knew then that I wouldn't be getting to zumba... by the time we got out Mel was pretty much arriving at class so was able to pass on that I wouldn't be able to make it.

I took a leisurely drive down to ayr once training was done, arrived at about 1:30 and parked outside the dance studios around the back initially, the windows to the studio were open and the music was blaring and I could hear Lyna barking orders which made me giggle lol

I then moved around to the front of the studio and waited for the class to finish, I was picking Mel up and dropping Lyna the top she'd given me to cut up, which I think she liked. there was yet more comments on me making them and selling them - I just really wish I had the time! at the mo I'm pretty much at placement, travelling or doing Uni paperwork, and when I'm not doing any of those - I'm sleeping! I don't want to start making promises to people when i have no idea of when I'll be able to fulfill them. as it stands at the mo the only reason I did Lyna's this week was because she actually gave me the top.

She called me a freak of nature... I'm still not sure how to take that! lol

I'm going to be going nearly 2 weeks without a class - it's gonna be a real shock to the system when I go back! esp as Lyna seems to take great delight in pushing me that little bit more each and every class I go to!

was nice having a catch up with Mel, I wont be seeing her until next Friday so it was nice to get a good natter, we sat about in the car for a fair while after class finished while she had her soup and then headed off home.

I am so amazingly tired - really think I'm gonna need to go for a lie down before i develop a headache, i'm just kinda reluctant considering the last time i went for a wee lie down at this time it was 3am when I woke up! lol

just a wee catch-up

i do apologise, my brain has been like mashed potatoes of late, i can't remember when I last wrote or what I even wrote about..

ok i'll start with what's freshest in my head.

I passed my sociology essay! 66% :) it's about what I was expecting - my 2 workbooks had been 64% and 68%, so I am quite happy :)

I've also done another top for Lyna, after class yesterday she gave me one of her actual proper Zumba tops to go to town with, have to say i was really quite hesitant in taking scissors to this one... these aren't £1.50 tops from Primark!

Loved Zumba yesterday, OMG it was so much fun! being in a big hall, having air... having men walking by staring through the windows which resulted in Lyna flashing them.... was such a giggle!

Before class had started me and Mel had been stretching out... now... despite carrying a wee bit of insulation I am still pretty flexible, Lyna kept calling over to me but i couldn't make out what she was saying but I had a feeling it would involve me feeling pain (it usually does when it comes to Lyna!) so I pretended not to notice, at which point she came over and whispered i my ear about putting my leg behind my head! yup... i was right.

Class was great, was lovely have room to move and air to breathe (and no horrid mirrors! yay!) only bad part of the class was when we got made to do the squats again because some weren't doing it right - I could bearly stand by the time she was done with us!

anyway - great evening, typical Paul I asked him to bring Caelan to the hall and so was waiting and waiting, just to find he was waiting next to my car... zumba now clashes with Kieren's cadets so Paul now brings Caelan to me after class while he waits about for Kieren to finish.

My brain has been totally thrown with Zumba now being on a monday instead of a tuesday, I keep thinking today is wednesday.... gonna take a while to adjust to this...

placement tomorrow and thurs and friday morning - I have moving and handling part 2 (slings and hoists) on friday 9:15-12:15, thankfully it's just across the way from the unit I'm in so I'm gonna go into placement for the 2hrs in the morning as otherwise my total run over the 5wks is short by just 1hr. I am hoping we get out a bit early so I can go to zumba, but I aint holding my breath - they'd really be needing to let us go no later than 12 if I've any hope of getting there in time as it's about a 45min drive back to ayr, I shall take my stuff just in case though.

hum.... what else.... I dunno if there's anything else to report...

oh yes! I got a call from my docs surgery yesterday saying my blood results were back and that the doc wanted to speak to me about them... now I'd already got my thyroid bloods back which were satisfactory, so this must have been my thyroid antibody test - which i was told I'd only be contacted about if there's a problem.

cue the worrying.

doc was meant to phone today but actually phoned last night, turns out my antibody levels are high - which is sign that sooner or later I will go hypo, but she said it's just odd that while my antibodies are so high, my actual thyroid level is within normal limits, whereas my last 2 bloods had come back borderline... so it's just a case of more blood tests to keep an eye on it... fun.

yup i think that's about it now... toodles for now!

weight loss

I know I am probably being stupid and irrational, but my weight is really bothering me at the mo.

I know I am losing weight - the fact my nurse tunic is now pretty much hanging off me is sign of that, but for some reason - it's just bothering me more than usual...

I don't actually know how much I've lost, as I'm going via measuring tape and not scales. my nurse trousers, which were always a bit on the tight side, are now perfectly comfortable and that's great, coz now I'm not constantly going around worried the next time I sit down I'll split the seat open lol

so.. I know I AM losing weight, and I know I AM toning up - but for some reason it's still bothering me. probably the fact my mood has been quite low of late isn't helping, i've been questioning a lot of aspects of my life lately and I guess I just don't see the same person in the mirror that other people see... just like back when i was just over 9st, I honestly didn't realise how god awful I looked, I really was TOO skinny, but back then I didn't see it, all i could see was the label in my clothes and i was happy with that...

I guess really thinking about it it's not so much my weight that's bothering me, but the distribution of my weight - I have hips and thighs and I HATE them, getting decent clothing to fit is a real bugger and I am hugely self-conscious of my lower half, I just want to be a bit more in proportion..... though granted since starting Zumba I've lost a couple of inches from my hips so we're heading in the right direction.

I'm really glad I got into Zumba now, and not only for the weight loss/toning up aspect - but I've made some great new friends and I've now got a couple of new hobbies to focus on! if it hadn't been for Zumba I wouldn't be doing my baking and making the tops, Lyna's now even roped me into baking fairy cakes for the beach party in July! Now that is becoming quite a daunting prospect, esp as of yet I've no idea how many cakes I'm actually going to be baking, but with Mel's help and some careful planning, I'm sure it'll be do-able :) nowt like a challenge!

Most of all I've loved doing the Zumba tops, I get a real kick out of making them, trying out new designs, getting messy with the paints and glue etc... it's been such a long time since I've had a creative outlet, I am really only now realising quite how much I enjoyed it and how much I've missed it. most of my childhood was spent making things, I always had a 'junk box' which i'd dip into and make things with- and my dad still fondly tells the story of when I was very little, having got my hands on the garden string, I'd made a burglar trap in the garden, and managed to catch him! I guess it was one of the things I loved about being a nursery nurse, being able to be creative and get messy and actively encourage the kids to join in - I mean... i think half the time I had more fun than the kids did!

anyway... i'm back off to bed- night night!

migraines

I can remember being in college doing my nursery nursing and one of my class-mates frequently arriving half way though the day, looking awful, apologising profusely that she was late but that she'd had a migraine but that it takes a while for her medication to kick in.

I also remember sitting there thinking "pah, it's just a bad headache"

it wasn't until I had my first one a few years ago that I realise it is SO much more than a bad headache.

it's my vision which starts going funny first, usually just one eye, but the lower part of my vision looks like it's all under water - very strange, but I don't always get this. Then my neck and shoulders get stiff and sore - honestly the first time I got this I was starting to freak out that I had meningitis! after that is when the pain in the head starts, noises don't quite so much bother me, it's more the light.

I worked out my triggers quite a while ago - heat, too much sugar and dehydration, and thankfully since then I've only had about 1 in the past 2 years, though while sugar and keeping myself hydrated are things i can easily control, heat is something I'm at the mercy of mother nature with. I think it was mainly the heat today which did it, that coupled with the fact I've had so little sleep lately probably didn't help.

sometimes i get a warning, like the swimmy eyes - but sometimes, like this one, it kinda just pounces on me. usually by the time I realise it's a migraine it's too late to take anything as I just end up throwing up, so I just need to take to my bed with a cold washcloth on my forehead and just try and sleep it off.

So I took to my bed at about 4:30 yesterday afternoon, I kinda dozed on and off for a bit before properly falling asleep, then Paul came to bed and (ironically) woke me up - I thought it was maybe about 11 or 12, I honestly would never have guessed it would have been coming up on 3am! so i got up, made something to eat and here I now am, sitting in the living room with the dogs wondering what to do to keep myself occupied, I don't have much energy but I am also now not all that tired... don't worry I'm not gonna go starting to bake cakes or anything! lol

placement #3, zumba and other stuff...

I'm really enjoying my placement at the PDRU :) it's not really like a 'normal' medical ward, the people there aren't really there because they're sick, they're there to get their lives back on track after some sort of physical set back, which seems to either mean getting them back to how they were before, or helping them to adapt to the changes in their life. lots of wheelchairs, slings and hoists, OT, Physios etc...

all the staff and patients are great, I got to do 4 injections yesterday, I was shaking so much doing the first, it's been a good while since I've jabbed anyone - but by the time i got to the 4th my mentor was happy to stand back and observe from a distance. my mentor also let me observe wound care, as that's something we've yet to be taught about but will be getting assessed on later on in the semester - so as soon as I heard wound care was going to be going on, I asked to observe.

the day goes by pretty quick, though there are lulls in the day where there's little to do, i just grab one of the folders and read, it's usually not long before a buzzer goes.

I stayed over at Mary's on wednesday night, as she lives a lot closer to the hospital, but even though I didn't need to get up till gone 5, I woke up at just gone 4 and couldn't get back to sleep.

by the time I got home yesterday after having done those 4 jabs I think my adrenaline was running, I finished 2 of Lyna's tops, baked and decorated a cake, made myself food, cleaned out the ferret... this all happened within the space of about 2hrs! lol

head has been all over the place today, I've had real problems concentrating and remembering - but I think it's just the tiredness. I mean... everyone does that thing of where you walk out the door and to the kitchen and can't remember why it was you went, but this morning that was just happening constantly - it was actually getting to the stage where I was getting quite annoyed with myself.

I've just come back from Zumba - OMG it's hot out there, was melting during class! the lack of sleep has caught up with me, I was OK leaving the house but by the time i got to zumba i was actually shaking, I didn't really feel all that tired but my body was evidently saying that it's noticed it's not had as much rest as it usually gets lol, and as a result I don't think I did anywhere near as well as I ordinarily would have and at some points I felt like i had 2 left feet which I was getting pretty frustrated about...

there's a new routine we do which I really love- and it's not the mad racing about one! lol

Me and Mel now jockey for position in class, neither of us want to be in front of the mirrors (mirrors are EVIL!) so we tend to end up at one of the sides but we want to be close enough to the front to be able to clearly see what we're doing, but being right down the front usually means you're a prime taget for getting picked on! lol

i got 'got' today, during the squats - OMG I HATE THE SQUATS! I swear Lyna makes us do them just to see how far she can push us before we snap! lol apparently my arse wasn't low enough and my elbows weren't spreading my legs wide enough, once she'd moved me about my legs were screaming at me even more than before, and that's saying something! i knew I wasn't doing them as well as I have in the past, but I just physically couldn't manage it today.

Lyna liked her tops- i'm still pretty chuffed with them considering i drew on the designs last night after having been awake for about 20hrs and having had sod all sleep the previous 2 nights. I like the design on the white one, but the colours on the yellow - but I don't think it would look right with the 2 combined - I've got very set images in my head as to how the designs look and with what colours...

Mel got soup afterwards, soup in this weather to me is a like standing at the bus stop in the wind and rain eating an ice-cream! - we went via auchincruive to find where the new class is going to be taking place, so we now know where we're going and where we're parking :) bring on Monday!

busy busy busy

well - I've been quite busy lately, mainly I've been either working on designs for tops for once my fabric paint arrives, or I've been working on the actual physical design of the tops.

I've got 2 cut and stitched so far. quite pleased with them thus far.

I've so been enjoying designing and making these tops - i've always had a wee creative streak in me so it's really nice to be able to utalise that skill every once in a while - and if people are willing to pay me to do it, then who am i to complain?

had Uni yesterday, module introduction in the morning and then placement 3 briefing in the afternoon. it's gonna be a very busy, quick 3 months!

we have our title for our essay now - it's on communication - instantly everyone in LD was a lot happier as communication is a big, big thing in our sector, esp when it comes to the barriers to communication and how to overcome them- which is the main focus of the essay. To be honest, I do feel as if we may have a slight advantage over the other branches for this one! most of my first nursing essay was on communication and i got 76% for that.... so I am reasonably confident about it. it's 2000 words, which is our biggest so far, but no-one seemed overly phased by it. i can now also go back and dig out my reference list for my communication bits. this time they're looking for between 10 and 20 references, but my 1st essay I had 19 anyway, so I'm not too worried about that bit of it either.

I've got Zumba tonight, do I need to say I'm looking forward to it or does that go without saying now? gonna be aiming to get there for about 6, we arrived at 20 past 2 weeks back and there was already quite some queue, I just hope the weather holds.

God I'm cold today.

appetite has pretty much gone back to being non existant, speaking of which, i'm trying to get through to my docs about my blood test results (yes i actually remember!) but no-one is answering.

got through, bloods have come back satisfactory... odd, i would have placed money on them being borderline or below this time around, considering how I've been feeling lately. appetite still really hasn't fully returned and I'm still really quite tired.

I'm under orders to walk to pick Caelan up from school today, it's walk to school week and Caelan is taking it to the letter!

oh well at least it'll help get me stretched out before class tonight.

gonna have to leave about 5:30ish, not picking Mel up today, she's meeting me there, otherwise i would have been having to set off from here about 5:10 for a class that starts at 7! it's madness! but we have now got a bigger venue, so all is good - just not sure when the move is gonna take place.

Tuesdays aren't usually too bad for me, the classes are too busy for Lyna to pick on me! lol

I start placement 3 tomorrow, 7:15 start but have been advised to get there no later than 6:45 if i want any hope of getting a parking space anywhere near the hospital (hospital grounds is permit or 4hr visitor only). I'm gonna have to get up at about 4:30, which means I'm prob only gonna get 4 or 5 hours sleep, but there's zero point in going to bed early if I end up just lying there awake for hours on end. Hopefully Zumba will wear me out a bit...

i need to try and remember to look on SHELCAT (NHS scotland library) for communication books...

feeling blue..

the hubby's being an arse, the kids are fighting and winding each other up - i've got too much to do and at the moment i just want to sit in a corner and cry.

I will be so glad to go to Uni tomorrow and then out on placement for the next 5 weeks... the negative energy in here is getting me so down.

I've got lots planned for today - the plan is to keep myself busy and hopefully it'll keep my mind off of everything else in my life.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, meeting up with my Uni friends again for our first official day of Semester C - we have a 2hr lunch so I'm gonna get my arse down to primark and pick up some more tops to be creative with, and me and Mary will probably go to Brewhaha for lunch.

I was just thinking, I'd been considering a swap to adult branch, but if that means having to travel up into glasgow for every placement... sod it, 1 placement of all that travel is bad enough! I am currently pondering going on to do adult branch after qualifying from LD, but I think I'll do it at UWS, they're not the best Uni, but I simply can't take 7am starts with 12hr shifts when it means at least an hour travelling each side too.

I'm really starting to get nervous about this upcoming placement, it seems the Physical Disability Rehabilitation Unit is where people go after pretty serious injuries where they learn how to use their limbs again, probably quite a good thing that I've already had my Mental Health placement!

Caelan's crying coz he's not getting his own way - I just can't deal with this just now.

I think I need to go and get myself dressed and keep busy- else I'm gonna crack up.

zumba #9

had a great day :)

arrived at Zumba just gone half past 12 with Mel, it was really quiet up until about quarter to- but even then, it was hardly busy.

Mel and I ended up right down the front - bad idea! lol Lyna was picking on me throughout the whole class, I'm still not sure what I did to deserve it! lmao!

after class finished I gave her the tops I'd jazzed up and she really liked them and asked me if i could make more, the lady who owns the dance studio also liked them and said i am wasted on nursing lol and said some of her older dance students would probably be interested in the tops too.

I refused to take money for the tops as, really, they'd been just about the only thing keeping me sane this past week - I'd have cracked up for sure if I didn't have some sort of outlet!

so... in the end Lyna took us to the local cafe for a bowl of soup and a natter, which was really nice :) we were there the best part of an hour just chatting about all sorts and got to know Lyna the person opposed to Lyna the hyped up energiser bunny zumba instructor, hehe.

It still amazes me that me and Mel have actually only known each other a matter of weeks - you'd honestly never think it, as Lyna put it on tuesday apparently, some friendships are just meant to be :) we never stop nattering and just seem to blend together so well, there's never any of those awkward silences, we've been very open with each other right from the start and found we have a lot of commonalities in life, which really helped cement the friendship right from the early stages.

I'm absolutely shattered, I miss 1 zumba class and this is what happens! I'd usually still be bouncing with energy right now, but instead I really feel like going for a nap.... doesn't help I've had a headache all day too. I hope I manage to keep up at least 1 class a week while I'm on this placement, whether it's Ayr or Kilmarnock I don't much mind, but I need to keep it up.

and of course I've only just remembered about phoning for my thyroid blood test results, I was meant to phone for them on monday, and I've forgot every single day!

Zumba day! wahoo!

i know, hugely sad I'm getting so excited about a fitness class - but I love it, ok?

I'm gonna have to remember I don't need to pick Mel up on my way to class today, it's pretty much autopilot now to head to hers before class... she's still going, just she's meeting me in town.

I really hope Lyna likes her top, I am so chuffed with it - I took a bit of a risk but I think it really paid off.

discovered a chip in my windscreen yesterday when I was washing my car :( though hardly surprising with all the grit that's been chucked about the roads this past winter... wonder how long it's been there and I've not noticed?

Was quite miffed off yesterday, was washing my car and was intending on cleaning it inside and out, just to discover that when emptying the cylinder, one of the boys must have chucked the filter away with it! so my car is lovely and clean on the outside, but inside is still pretty much dog hairs galore!

I had intended on taking my car up to Uni on monday and then going via the southern general to find out where I can park on my way back home, but Paul's booked the windscreen repair guy in for monday morning, so I'm probably gonna have to bus it and go to the southern another day, don't fancy taking the picasso into Glasgow!

Oh I had a giggle yesterday - knock at the door at about 1pm, environmental health! apparently someone has put in a complaint about our back garden!
complaint consisted of:
lawn not mowed for over 3 years - overgrown and filled with weeds
dog mess everywhere
rubbishing lying everywhere attracting rodents

the guy said straight up that whether we choose to mow our lawn or not is no-one's business bar our own, and it's our own private property so we can allow our dogs to foul in it, the only thing they have any say in is if there are vermin as a result of rubbish.

the guy was in the back garden all of 30 seconds to see that the complaint was completely unfounded.

yes we have several bins (the 4 from the council and 2 compost bins) but all are covered bar the tins/bottles box- but then only clean stuff goes in there. I have never seen any evidence of rats or mice or any other creepie crawly for that matter. the only 4 legged creatures in our garden are the 2 dogs, the ferret on occasion, and the once in a while visit from the local hedgehog!

the guy couldn't see any obvious dog fouling.

Paul explained that grass seeds were down, hence the lawn not having been cut in a while - the near on 2 months of a foot of snow really did our lawn in, but as already said - EH have no jurisdiction in weeds or lawns. yes it's not been cut in a while, maybe a few months coz the weather's been crap - but 3 YEARS?! seriously?!

so, the guy was bearly even here a minute before he was away again happy that our garden wasn't cause to give us an asbo or anything, lmao! he was apologising a lot, but said since the complaint had been put in they had to investigate it.

the complaint was anonymous, but considering there's only 3 houses which can see our back garden.....

oh well.

so yeah, Zumba today :) Lauren's not coming afterall, she's have problems sleeping and isn't feeling great, so it's just gonna be tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee today :)

my face is a mess today, the stress of the past week or so has evidently caught up with me- urgh, 28 and still getting spots....

anyway - off for my shower and get ready for class :)

Zumba tomorrow!

not had a class in 8 days and I'm SO BLOODY EXCITED! I really need my Zumba buzz back :)

I've got Lyna's top done and I'm super pleased with it :) I hope she likes it.

last exam... EVER!

hehe

one of the benefits of LD branch nursing at Caley is that after sem B of 1st year, there are NO MORE EXAMS!

sem C we have 1 written assignment and in years 2 and 3 it's all essays and assignments :)

So... i was staying at my friends, Mary's, last night - I went over there yesterday morning so we could do some revision together.

I was in a bad way.

I was panicking, big style!

when I panic, I usually silently internally panic - I just glaze over, stare off into the distance and my brain goes completely blank.

my confidence had really been knocked by getting a mark on my essay significantly lower than I had anticipated, and I really got it into my head that althought I thought I knew what I was doing, I really didnt, so was sure to fail the exam.

everyone kept saying to me about PMA, that those who envision success are more likely to attain it... and I just wanted to cry and shout at them that they had no idea how much stuff we had to try to remember!

to top it off, I had to miss Zumba, which REALLY got me down, I so could have done with a Zumba buzz last night. sounds as if I missed a really good class :(

looking at the past papers was totally freaking me out, but when Mary was just simply reading out the qs, I was managing a lot better - so eventually, after hours and hours, I finally began to come around to the idea that maybe I did know something.

I didn't sleep all that great last night, so I woke this morning tired and sore.

off we went for our exam, loads of people were doing last second cramming, but I've never been one for that - it just reminds me of what I don't know and freaks me out even more!

the paper consisted of 30 multiple choice... something like 11 fill-in-the-blanks and 4 from a choice of 10 short notes.

the multiple choice I got through pretty easily, I lucked out on quite a lot, that they happened to be unusual things I'd noticed when revising, there was only about 2 I really was unsure about but had educated guesses on, but generally finished that part really quite happy with my answers.

fill-in-the-blanks, again, went pretty smoothly, a couple I just had zero idea about so just put down anything, but I'm pretty confident I got at least half right.

short notes went... OK - not great, but I put down what i could remember for my chosen topics and left it at that, even if I just get 2 or 3 marks from each (worth 10 each) then I should have passed the exam relatively well - though I'm not building my hopes up that I've done spectacularly or anything, as long as I get 35% I'll be happy, well- I wont, but I'll be happy to have passed to module and not have to do a resit!

afterwards was the usual "ooh what did you put for XYZ?!" I never take part in that, it's not productive in the slightest.

so all in all i came out the exam feeling a HELL of a lot better than when i went in! a couple of days ago I actually thought I would break down into tears in the exam, so I was pleasantly surprised to find I coped quite well! I actually finished the exam with 40 minutes to spare (it wass a 2hr exam), but to be fair, some people started leaving as soon as the mandatory first 40mins had passed!

the general consensus on FB afterwards was that it was no-where near as bad as anticipated, and most of those who went in sure they'd fail came out reasonably confident of a pass.

we've got our next placements through, finally, we only start next tuesday! - I'm at the southern general hospital on the physical disability rehab unit, should be interesting!

and now... I'm shattered - I'm gonna be really rock'n'roll tonight and have a wee glass of wine then head for bed early, Caelan's got his class assmebly at 9:10 tomorrow morning... then I've got a productive day of getting Lyna's top finished planned :)

and then of course, Zumba on friday! I am SO gonna enjoy it! :)

it feels so good being able to smile again :)

Uni

quite a day today.

had my 2nd physiology exam this morning, it went quite well - it was an hr long but I was pretty much done after 25mins, just 3 questions I was totally stumped on so just made some 'educated' guesses.

I wasn't too worried about it, as I've mentioned before I passed my 1st one so well that I could technically have skipped this exam and still passed, but of course I wouldn't do that.

there were once again a lot of empty seats in the exam room - i just don't understand some people...

we then went and got our psychology essay results, I didn't do all that great, but then I wasn't expecting to - I really did struggle with that essay and I knew handing it in that it wasn't going to get me a brilliant mark... but I passed, and at the end of the day that's all that matters. Tutor said it was well done, just needed more detail (but then, the word limit was 1000 words, so quite limited!) she's also said in the past not to expect marks the same way as in nursing, she said it's rare for people to get in the 70's and even then it has to be a bloody spectacular piece of work - so to consider the 50's and 60's to be more equivilant to the 70's and 80's in nursing essay standards.

the exam is freaking everyone out. our tutor says she's no reason to believe we wont do well in it as we evidently know our stuff from our participation in class, but the knowing how stuff applies in real life practice is quite different to trying to remember names of theorists, names of theories, what the actual theory is etc etc - it's a whole other kettle of fish!

me and Mary went for a walk around the shops afterwards where I picked up the top I'm going to modify for Lyna, and then to brewhaha for a nice cuppa - they do tea properly in there - loose leaf - it's so nice! it's our wee treat after we've had a hard day or are celebrating something. We both bought teabags from there- it's £4 for 50, but they're SO nice - I swear once you've had proper tea from there you realise just how crap normal tea is!

anyway - enough procrastination for just now - on with the psychology revision - God help me I'm gonna need all the help i can get with this exam!

and the nerves are starting to kick in...

well it's been a few days since my last post, nowt interesting has been going on, just revision really.

Paul got me drunk last night - I am quite a lightweight when it comes to alcohol so it didn't take much to get me there - but the benefit of that means no hangover the next day! it's funny looking on FB the statuses I was posting! it seemed to give quite a few of my friends a giggle too! Paul ruined it though, he decided to have a fried egg butty at about 1am and the smell completely turned my stomach, so I ended up losing a fair amount of the wine i'd drunk!

I've got my physiology exam tomorrow, I am feeling OK about it - I know a good amount of stuff and technically I don't need to pass this exam to pass the module.

Looking forward to seeing my uni friends again :) the exam is 9:30-10:30 so me and Mary are going to go out for lunch afterwards - go back to brewhaha for some proper loose leaf tea! yay :)

Psychology exam, on the other hand, I am seriously bricking it about, I understand a lot of it in its application in practice, but remembering names of people and their theories, the critisisms of the theories etc etc... urgh :(

We should be finding out tomorrow where our next placements are, we were meant to be getting told on friday, but typically for Caley, there was a delay of an unspecified nature. We start placement #3 next tuesday!

I'm getting zumba withdrawal, I can't believe I have to wait till friday for my next class! I've had my dancing shoes on today and have been doing a few moves about the kitchen when I've been taking my breaks, but it's no comparison to a proper class.

I've done a wee demo of the top I'm making for Lyna - am pretty sure now what I'm doing - I just hope it turns out OK! Mel seems to like it, so that's a good sign. I have really been enjoying making these tops, I find it so relaxing and I've loved getting back into being creative - nursing is very hands on, but there's not much room for creativity in the profession. I think it's been just the thing I've needed with these exams coming up to keep me sane!

Zumba #8

blimey what a workout!

arrived at 5, me and Mel were the first ones there, we figured out where we were going then walked about for a bit.

Lyna arrived, we paid, and then we settled down at the front - we always seem to end up stuck right at the back in the Ayr class and so we were determined it wasn't going to happen this time.

we ended up right in front of the stage.

great fun, Lyna had a real cruel streak going today and made us do one of the routines from memory while she just stood and watched us. she tried to get Mel up on stage to do her irish dancing but she refused, which was a shame - i'd have loved to have seen it!

I was really glad we were right down the front as Lyna had a few new moves for us today which involved some fancy footwork.

it was really warm in the hall, the sweat was pouring off me, I get the feeling quite a few people were slacking today coz Lyna kept saying we'll only get out what we put in - I don't think I could have put any more in! I tried to do everything as best as I could, even when I really wanted to just collapse! honestly though, what is the point in going if you're not going to put your all into it?

Mel loved her customised top and after class went to show it to Lyna, who then glared at me and asked where hers was! lol! I'll be able to pick up her top after one of the exams next week and I'll spend thursday getting it done once the exams are by with - i'm not giving anything away as to what I've got in mind though :o) well... apart from keeping it a surprise I keep changing my mind on what I'm gonna do :o)

i dunno what I'm gonna do... this was my last class till next friday! I've done zumba twice a week for the past 4 weeks, it's gonna be a shock to the system when i get back into it next week.

we wished Lyna a good weekend away, at which point she told us that because of the ash cloud she might not even get back over to france, so here's hoping that she does get her flight home.

it was amazing when we came out of class - the queue for the 7:15 class was HUGE! far more people than would be able to get in for sure, I think even if half got in they were lucky.

anyway - I'm back home mulling over more ideas for Lyna's top, I keep changing my mind on what I'm gonna do! I'm feeling OK after class today, despite having had virtually no energy all day, but we'll see how I am in the morning.

tooth #7!

yup, he's lost another.

i don't even think I can say he looks gappy - he's beyond that - he's now gummy!

that's all the front ones bar his right lateral incisor gone, he shouldn't lose his canines until he's about 10.

that is THREE teeth in the space of a week.

and yes the toothfairy is struggling to keep up!

another low energy day.

sleep is now completely f**ked, I didn't get to sleep till gone 3am despite the fact i was shattered all day from only having got to sleep the previous night at 5am and then only having a few hrs. got woken at 8, then again at about 9, forced myself back to sleep and slept till about 20 to 11, woke with zero energy and just lay there for about 30 mins before i could muster up the energy to move.

appetite has gone out the window once again, but I forced some toast down me, even though the very thought of the stuff was making me feel nauseous, and now I'm just building up the energy to go have a shower.

I think I'll crack open a lucozade and get some glucose into me. I suppose it really doesn't help that I don't have anything of a sweet tooth so it's quite hard to get some quick energy into me.

Zumba tonight, hopefully. Lyna said to get there for about 5:15 but with any luck with the traffic, we should get there for just gone 5, we are NOT travelling all that way (17 miles each way) just to get turned away! lol it's becoming a joke, I'm gonna have to leave the house at about 4:20 for a class that starts at 6 which is only 30 mins drive away! it's gonna get to the stage where I'm gonna spend more time queueing to get into the class than actually being in it! I do feel for Lyna, desperately trying so hard to find bigger venues... I would hate to be in her shoes having to turn people away.... but fingers crossed... once she's got the grand hall at the grange and (hopefully!) a bigger venue for Ayr - and once the media hype dies down a little - it should go back to being more managable again.

but I do love zumba, I wouldn't travel all that way if I didn't think it worth it.

where I've come from and where I'm going

in terms of weight loss and getting fit again, that is!

now... I've really never been naturally skinny, it's all curvy women from both mum and dad's side of the family so I know that's not what I'm naturally meant to be.

when I was little, I was as a skinny as a ruler - I needed belt and braces to hold my trousers up!

in my teen years, mainly down to poor diet, little motivation when it came to sports and then later a sporting injury, I quickly piled the weight on.

I also have PCOS and now a borderline underactive thyroid which both make it really easy to put weight on and very very difficult to lose it.

About 8 months I had my son, due to breastfeeding and not having time to eat I dropped right down to little over 9 stone (I usually hover about the 12-13 stone region), now... while this in terms of my BMI is still within my "ideal" range, it just didn't suit me. to be honest, looking back at photos from then, I looked malnourished - this is probably one of the better pictures from that time, all the others are just too awful to share! I really had no muscle tone, so I was pretty much just skin and bones. I was a size 18 when I first dared to try and get back into normal clothes after being pregnant - some 4 months after he was born, and I lost the best part of 5 stone in 4 months - now even I can tell you, that's not healthy!

So... I don't want to get back down to that low a weight ever again, though those jeans in this pic I LOVED and would love to fit back into them again, but realistically I know that probably wont happen.

yes the weight gradually crept back on, i stayed about a size 12/14 for a while when I was working as a nursery nurse but then when i started working at hansel I quickly put a lot more on (though truth be told, we all did!), it was when my size 16's started feeling tight I knew I needed to do something about it. When I went to get my student nurse uniform fitted I had to go up to a size 18 for the trousers (they tend to say you need to go up a size from your normal anyway), and they were tight, but there was no way I was going back out and asking for a size 20!

so here we are now: I've ditched my scales and I am judging my weight loss through my loss of inches and the way my clothes fit. I want to tone up rather than slim down, get a bit of definition to my arms, legs, abs... I don't care if I still stay around the 14-16 size region (though I'd rather be more in the 14's than the 16's) but I want to feel more comfortable within my skin, and to do that, I need to exhange some of the fat for muscle.

I haven't regretted starting Zumba classes for one minute, even when my legs have been screaming at me, I never in a million years thought I would ever become so enthusiastic about a keep fit class, but I now understand that adrenaline rush people get when they exercise - just I like to do it to latin beats and in a dance studio rather than down a gym.

zumba #...7?

I'm starting to lose track! lol

we knew it was gonna be busy again, Lauren had posted on FB after her monday class that by 6:35 Lyna was already having to turn people away, we got to Ayr dance studios at about 6:20 and we weren't the first in line by far! it's total madness!

though hopefully we're getting a new, bigger venue soon - fingers crossed!

once again, as usual, loved the class - we did the squats in this one and OMG my legs were killing me last night! they weren't sore - but just this dull constant ache, more akin to growing pains kinda discomfort. I stretched them out numerous times but it was still gone 5am before I got to sleep - it was one of those awful nights were my body was exhausted, but my mind was still very much awake.

We hung around after class and gave Lyna her birthday cards ( it's her birthday today - Happy Birthday, Lyna!) and just got chatting about everything and nothing. I showed her my top I'd customised and she liked it so much that she asked me to do one for her! I love doing creative stuff and I've always sorta regretted not being able to get into a line of work where I can really apply that side of me.



in 2006 I hand made Caelan a Captain Feathersword costume (that's from the Wiggles, if you didn't know!) and I am still hugely impressed with it - I made the waistcoat from a shawl from a charity shop, the hat and the sword from a pair of old joggers, the shirt from one of the elder boys old school shirts and some old net curtain - it took me the best part of 2 weeks just to sew the sequins on to the front and pockets of the waistcoat, let alone the ones all around the brim of the hat! and when i say I made it by hand, I quite literally mean by hand - I don't have a sewing machine!

We told Lyna how we're planning on going to the thursday class, as friday's class isn't on, and she told us to be there for about 5:15! blimey... so Mel's coming around to here, and then we're leaving for Kilmarnock no later than 4:30.... total madness it is!

anyway.... time is ticking on, I need to get more caffeine into me if I'm going to have any hope of getting any study done today, and I've got a thyroid blood test at 3:30 - oh the joys...

oh and yes I will post up a pic of the top I did, just it's in the wash at the mo.... got a tad sweaty at class last night!

creative creations

I had a bit of a creative evening :o)

Lyna had showed us (me and Mel) last week how she modifies her own tops for class after Mel had enquired about them (Lyna: "you just cut it", Mel: "how do you do that?", Lyna: "..... with scissors" hehehe classic!) - I then later went on to find an instructional video on how to do it on the Zumba Scotland FB page.

Now I gave it a go first on a cotton vest top - it turned out ok but I quickly discovered it really needs to be an elastic blend of material otherwise the cut strips just doesn't roll right.

Ah-ha! lighbulb moment! I have a couple of nice coloured elasticy vest tops in my cupboard which I never wear coz they've got a stupid in built bra which couldn't even support a B cup....

so out it comes, out come the scissors and the inbuilt bra bit gets removed and away I go again.

very pleased with the results, i am now refusing to show Mel how it turned out until tomorrow as she was being mean to me and telling me i should be studying (can't a girl have a little fun?!)

you can please some of the people all of the time...

but it seems Caelan can never be pleased!

so i prepared him last night that he would be getting money because the tooth fairy doesn't know what he wants so she'll leave him money so he can buy something himself.

I put 2 £1 coins in an envelope under his pillow thinking all would be fine come morning.

how wrong was I?

hissy fit, yet again.

turns out Paul usually gives him a £1 coin and loads of silvers and coppers, so Caelan has become accustomed to receiving lot of "pennies" from the tooth fairy, so he was pretty miffed off when he woke only to find 2, even though the value was equal.

the nursery nurse in me should have seen this coming.

and of course with it being bank holiday monday, no-where is open to take him to go and choose something to buy!

ho hum....

tooth #6!

If Caelan keeps losing teeth at the rate he is at the moment, the tooth fairy is going to have to take out a loan to keep up! that, and I'm gonna have to start mashing his food again as he's losing his front teeth quicker than his adult ones are coming thought!


he only lost #5 a couple of days ago, and the one lost today I didn't even think was a wobbly one so i was very surprised when he announced that that tooth had fallen out.


we actually thought he swallowed it (as we were having dinner) which quickly resulted in Caelan bursting into tears - but thank god, it turned out it had fallen onto the table. He actually swallowed his 3rd or 4th tooth (can't remember which), we were down at my parents, as luck would have it my mum still had my baby teeth so we were able to plant one, conveniently find it and announce it must have fallen out when he was playing.

oh the things you do when you're a parent!

so now that's both bottom incisors, both bottom lateral incisors, top right incisor and top left lateral incisor gone. The incisor left at the top has migrated from the left towards the middle - so now he looks quite comical with one big tooth in the middle of the front of his mouth! I hope that one falls out soon - it does look awful bang in the middle and sitting at a funny angle too.

procrastination is my middle name!

you name it, I'll do it to get out of studying!

yup, I'm even writing this as a way of avoiding the books...

Exams are on the 10th and 12th of this month (eep!), Physiology I'm not too worried about, I got 88% on my last exam and we only need an aggregate of 40% between the 2 to pass the exam component - so in theory, I can actually skip the exam and still pass the module - not that I will, of course, but it does take a whole lotta weight off the shoulders when you know you passing the module doesn't rely on passing that one exam.

Psychology is a whole other kettle of fish all together, of course I've now pretty much got 2 of the topics revised due to covering them in the presentation and the essay, but that still leaves another 20 topics to revise - sounds a lot but most of them overlap a fair amount. but it's one of those subjects where there's no real obvious starting point, so I am really struggling to get started on it.

I also don't know how much of my pass mark is riding on this exam - our presentation was worth 20% of the total assessment, we got 68%, which is 13.6% of the 20%) but because I've still yet to get my essay back (which is worth 30% of the total assessment) I can't work out how well I need to do in this exam in order to pass... though I need a min of 40% to pass the exam component anyway....

I woke this morning at 6:50am, Caelan was throwing a hissy fit. he lost a tooth yesterday (his 5th!) and he'd obviously got it into his head that his tooth fairy leaves him computer games, not money - so when he woke to find money... he was NOT happy! I was never hugely happy about him being given one to start with as I knew this would happen - that he'd start expect a game every time he lost a tooth, but what do I know? not only am I a mum but I'm a nursery nurse, I know how kiddies minds work. now I know the going rate for the tooth fairy is quite a bit more than when I was a kid... but still - it's not quite at the level of how much a brand new game is worth!

so yeah, great start to the weekend.

got a letter through today from the doctors, I've got my next thyroid blood test this coming weds! how bloody typical is that? I bet I'll be jumping with energy- polar opposite to how I was last week, but I will fill in the HCA about the symptoms, and I hope that along with my bloods, even if they do just come back borderline again, will be enough for the doc to prescribe me something this time.

I got up feeling not too bad this morning, after nearly being snapped in 2 yesterday at Zumba, that was until I crouched down to pick something up and my inner thighs went "OMFG owowowowowowowow!" so I've been stretching them on and off throughout the day and they're gradually easing up. though the first time i stretched, both my hips and both my knees clicked! was NOT a good sound! lol I took a bath (I was never a bath person before I started Zumba, ya know!) and that helped loosen my muscles a bit.

the day has sped by, I'm now going to have to think about starting dinner...