families... who'd 'ave 'em?!

as most of you are aware I have 3 kids.

2 of the 3 are my step sons. they've lived with us full time for over 10 years now. I was 19 when they moved in with us.

they've had zero contact from their birth mother in over 7 years.

i'll be honest, things aren't plain sailing being a step-parent, there's still a lot of association of the "evil step-mother" from fairytales.

it also doesn't help when your step-kids upbringing has been less than ideal.

i have my own opinions about their mother but i'll keep those to myself, but lets just say she was never really a stable member of their family, in any sense of the word.

we've got through a lot over these past 10 years, it's been a long LONG slog, the situations we've faced have sent me into mental breakdown on more than one occasion, they weren't angel children to put it mildly, and the "one day they'll realise" that people were so fond of telling me was of little comfort.

BUT, we kept with it, and now I can very proudly say that they may be pains in the arse, who eat me out of house and home, never stop needing new clothes, never stop needing nagged to do their washing, keep their rooms tidy, take a shower and to "turn that bloody computer down!!" but they're MY pains in the arse!!

Duncan's just passed all of his standards and intermediates and i couldn't be prouder!!! he gets his brains from me, ya know ;)

Kieren has finally found his feet at school and is enjoying going to his ATC which has really helped give him focus and ambition.

and ya know what, they may not be angels, but at least they're not those boys who hang about the streets causing trouble or going out getting girls pregnant!

considering the less than ideal first few years they both had, I am bloody proud of the both of them, and it goes to show it might take a while (read "years and years") but having a crap start in life doesn't have to set in stone the path you'll continue on in life.

the reason behind this post is because today we were supposed to be attend the boys great grandparents diamond wedding anniversary party, their gran and papa are the only members of that side of the family we still have contact with. their gran and papa pretty much raised them before they came to live with us.

last night we found out that their mother would be at the event and a WHOLE load of bad memories came back to the fore. regardless of how it would be delt with, i couldn't see a happy outcome of going to the party. i really didn't sleep last night and had horrid stomach cramps over the worry of the situation, not for myself, but for the psychological damage this could potentially have on the boys.

i always knew that one day they'd maybe want to try and contact their mother, but i want that to be in their own time and on their terms and i felt if we took them to the party knowing she would be there that they wouldn't really have a choice in the matter.

long story short we left it to the boys to decide if they wanted to go, knowing their mother would be there, or to leave it and we'd arrange to take the gran and papa out for a meal next week - they opted for the latter. Duncan has essentially said he wants nothing to do with her. he's now even refering to her by her given name!

we've never made excuses for her when they've asked questions, but at the same time we've never bad mouthed her to them either, we've always said we'd let them make up their own minds.

and now they have. and to be quite honest, i think it's for the best. i'm not saying she's a bad person, but she was never really a positive influence in their lives. we've got through a lot these past 10 years and i really don't want to drag the past back to the present, they're settled now, they're happy.

and at the end of the day, that's all a parent wants for their child.